Hello, hello! Where to begin, where to begin?! Well, first off, it's been a very long week. As in, a VERYYYYY long week. That said, I'm happy to be back on your computer screen...very happy, indeed.
This past week has been an interesting one. If you don't know this about me already, then let me tell you that after two years at New York University, I decided it was in my best interest to transfer to the University of Maryland. I knew I wasn't happy at NYU, and I knew that, unless I took some sort of action, things weren't going to change. Whereas I thought my transferring to UMD meant that I would get to spend more time with my family (something I desperately wanted and perhaps even needed), the way things actually panned out was very different.
A few months into my Junior year (my first year at UMD), my parents moved to Florida. Now, my mother and I constantly argue about this particular subject (so mom, if you're reading this please don't take it personally. Oh, and I love you. A lot.) but my feeling is that, at the time I transferred universities, I really needed my parents. One of my closest friends had tried to commit suicide, I was just starting to make headway in my battle with bulimia, and I was a lost and lonely individual. I get that my parents wanted to move on with their lives (they had just finished dealing with their own issues), but had I known that they were going to pack up and move the second I moved back to my hometown, then I probably wouldn't have transferred...at least not to UMD that is. Nonetheless, if there is something that I have learned over the years, it's that there's no point in dwelling on the past because, let's face it, dwelling on the past won't do diddily squat for your present or your future. That said, I have also learned that if I feel a certain way, regardless of it's level of rationality, I have to honor the fact that that's how I feel.
In response to my transferring universities, I must admit that, to this day, I still feel as though I downgraded myself. I had gotten into NYU, was a double major, and then decided to throw all of that away so that I could move back home to be near mommy and daddy. And then, when mommy and daddy moved, it was really like I had thrown everything away because now I had nothing. I felt as though I was back where I started, only this time, instead of attending a prestigious university, I was at state school. In fact, I think this has a lot to do with why I pushed myself to graduate in three and a half years (with a sh*t ton of excess credits, mind you), because I think in some way, it was my personal way of "making up" for the fact that I had downgraded myself when I transferred. Now, with all of that said, let me back up and tell you the following: by no means do I think that the University of Maryland is a bad school. It's quite the opposite actually.
In comparing the degree of difficulty from my classes at NYU to those I took at UMD, I must tell you, the latter was harder. Then again, perhaps I feel this way because I didn't like the formality of UMD's curriculum. It was rigid, boring, heavy on "busy work," and all in all, very much what one could/would/and should expect from a state school. On the other hand, NYU's curriculum seemed, I don't know, more relavent. It didn't matter that I was pursuing some random double degree (a BA in journalism and a BS in food studies, should you be at all curious). At NYU, the material was predominately taught by adjunct professors who also worked in the industry that they themselves were teaching. They knew what emerging graduates would need to know in order to excel in the modern version of the field at hand. They knew how to eliminate the textbook while feeding you the facts. UMD?...not so much. But enough about college curriculum, and back to what this article was supposed to be about: this week has been an interesting one...for an array of reasons.
This past week, my friends from NYU graduated. This past weekend, my friends from UMD graduated. This past week and weekend, I have not been able to go on Facebook and look at the pictures on my newsfeed without feeling. Yes, just that: "feeling." Sometimes I feel anger--mad at myself for transfering. Other times I feel joy--happy that I was able to grab my life by the horns and get out of a school that, despite providing a great education, left me feeling alone and unheard. And then there are the times I log onto Facebook, I see these photos, and I think: What would have happened had I not transferred? How would my life be different? Well, for starters, I'm almost positive that I wouldn't be the happy girl that I am today. I was lost and lonely at NYU. I might not have loved my time at UMD, but I loved that I was able to find myself, re-connect with my religion ("challah" at my fellow Jews in da hizzy....yeah, I'm so white it's not even funny), and, most importantly, find my way to the BF (who, despite transferring from UMD to NYU--our time at NYU overlapped--I might have otherwise never met).
All in all, I guess you could say that everything ended up falling into place. Yes at times I am still frustrated by my decision to transfer schools, but let's face it: my transferring schools wound up transforming me. Had I stayed at NYU, sure I would have been able to wear that purple gown in Yankee Stadium and walk across the stage in Radio City Music Hall, but I wouldn't have been the "me" that I am today--and in all seriousness, I think I turned out pretty darn well...minus the small ego trip I just sent myself on. And, while my life has not exactly been the journey my elementary school self thought it would be, the truth of the matter is, I wouldn't change a thing...the absurd level of cheesiness in that last line included.
Well, Tuesday is officially the new Friday. In other words, the BF and I indulged in a mid-week "date night" tonight. Twas lovely, thanks for asking (especially seeing how last week's b-day dinner
was kind of a flop).
Anyway, seeing how the thought of tonight's date night had me in love la la land all day, I decided to take a cue from today's TLM "love + relationships" post and make today's QOTD one about LOVE! Oh, and for all you single peeps out there: please, don't hate. Gracias.
"We come to love not by finding a perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."
Sure we all have a list of our wants, needs, and no thank yous when it comes to finding "the one" (or even just a "someone"), but when push comes to shove and you meet Mr. (or Mrs.) Right, you better bet your britches that your list will be going bye-bye as you are lured in by your lover boy/girl/it thing. But let's be honest for a hot sec (as if honesty isn't my constant policy, ha!), no significant other is "perfect." They can be perfect for you, and in fact should be, but as your 6th grade guidance counselor always told you: no one is perfect! ...not even that special someone.
Well, hello there! I know, I know...long time no blog. Let's just say, life's been a little busy lately--and it's about to get a lot busier. In Monday's post I mentioned the fact that I had something up my sleeve called "The Life Muse." So what is "TLM"? Well, let's just say that, if you can't get your "Lindsay-fill" via The Quote I Wrote, then you're in luck because The Life Muse will indeed function as my second blog. But before I explain TLM in greater detail (tomorrow's topic of interest), let's get back to the whole "quote" thing that goes on on THIS blog!!
"Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive!
- Howard Thurman
When I graduated from college in December, the number one thing people asked me was: "So what are you going to do now?" Despite my greatest efforts to explain that I was already working towards becoming a life coach, motivational speaker, and blogger, my response was never received in the positive and supportive way I would have liked. Instead, I tended to get a casual roll of the eyes followed by the comment "oh, you'll be in graduate school in a year."
At the time, I just shrugged these naysayers off because, as I saw it, it wasn't worth my defense ...It wasn't worth my while to try and explain to these people that I, unlike so many, hated school. Yes, you read that last sentence correctly: I hated school. Now, don't get me wrong, I absolutely, positively LOVE to learn--this is certain. However (and I "hate" to say it), I was not a fan of college and would probably be even more turned off by grad school if I ever had to attend.
That said, I can't deny the fact that deep down these remarks bothered me, and not because they suggested that I'd be back in school in no time. Instead, what really got to me was the fact that these remarks implied a lack of belief in my dreams, as well as my ability to pursue them. And seriously, who were they to judge my intended career path? Who were they to tell me what it is I should be doing post-college? Well, the answer is simple: they were outsiders who weren't, aren't, and will never be ME! They don't know what makes me tick. They don't know what fulfills me. They don't know what makes my heart beat out of my chest, makes my brain race at all hours of the day, and/or makes my fire within ignite. Fact is, these "commenters" don't know what makes me come alive! ...But I do, and according to today's quote, that's all that matters (PS, I happen to agree--wholeheartedly).
Heck, that's why I started The Quote I Wrote, so that I could do what makes me come alive; and hopefully, while igniting my own inner flame, I can ignite yours as well...one post and one quote at a time.
Happy Hump Day!!
...however to be alone does not mean that you are feeling lonely.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with.
-Dr. Wayne Dyer
I know this sounds very "high school term paper" of me, but alas, I must begin this post in the following way...
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the word lonely
means: to be cut off from others (solitary), without company (lone), not frequented by human beings (desolate), and/or sad from being alone (lonesome). Conversely, the word alone
is defined as meaning: separated from others (isolated) and/or exclusive of anyone or anything else (only).
Did you pick up on the BIG difference? Yes, no, maybe so?! Fine, fine...I'll explain it to you. To be lonely means we feel
as if we are in a solitary, lone, desolate, and/or lonesome state of being. To be alone however means that we are simply in
state of being and/or the only one present. In other words, if/when you're alone, it doesn't necessarily mean that you feel lonely. I mean, it can, but it doesn't have to! Heck, I am my own best friend and, a lot of the time, I thoroughly
enjoy being alone with myself. Then again, I like me. Erase that, I love me! ...and no, this does not mean that I'm conceited and have an inflamed ego. In fact, it means just the opposite. It means that I am proud of the woman I've become and am confident in my own being and all that I do. Sure I have my moments of insecurity (don't we all) but, at the end of the day, I am a good, hardworking, and honest person doing good, hard, and honest work--and in all seriousness, what more could I want from myself? Exactly.
Anyways, perhaps this is why I felt so compelled to post the above quote in a place that houses some alone time fun--the Dupont Circle Capital Bikeshare
While biking can be a fun group activity, the truth remains that most people you see biking in this city do so alone. And, seeing how biking is a great way to clear the mind, work the body, and just do a body/brain good, it's no wonder that Capital Bikeshare has become so freakin' popular. Seriously though, I feel as if every time I'm outside I pass by at least one or two bikers on those red and yellow capital bikeshare bikes. Wow, I sound like I'm doing an infomercial for CB. Oops, not my intention. Nevertheless, whether or not you prefer two feet over two wheels, the fact of the matter is this: it's not what you do when you're alone that matters rather, it's how you feel when alone that is of the utmost concern.
So, as this hump day comes to a close, I hope you can find some time in your respective evenings to have some alone time--to have a moment (or a few moments) of isolated bliss free from loneliness.
Last night I had the privilege of being a guest on stand-up comedian Dave Arena
's radio show: It Doesn't Matter You're Gonna Die
. Let me just say, I had a blast talking about "fear" with Dave, Michael Luckman
, and the rest of last night's show participants. A lot of great points were made, shared, and discussed. Definitely something you should check out if/when you get a chance!! Oh, and now that TQIW
has a "Press
" page, listening to last night's show is that
much easier (*insert shameless plug here*). Sorry, not sorry.
That said, whether or not you choose to listen to the soundbite from last night's show, I sincerely hope you choose to learn a thing or two from today's quote of the day...
"You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it!"
As discussed on last night's show, most of our fears are false beliefs--the product of our own imaginations. Whereas most of these fears stem from not thinking we are good enough, smart enough, cool enough, or whatever
enough, the fact of the matter is, YOU are the one acting as your own worst enemy and as your own worst judge. And, the craziest part of it all is that, in life, you're supposed to be your own biggest fan! Seriously. If you don't believe in yourself, how can you expect others to believe in you? Exactly, you can't.
So, what does this all mean?
Well, first it means: stop living in fear. Stop living in a way that looks more like how other's want and feel you should be living and, instead, begin to live in your own truth. Begin to live in the way that YOU believe is best for YOU. Not the best for your mom, your dad, your siblings, significant other, friends, boss, or roommate, but best for YOU! I mean it. Just as Einstein's quote implies, if you can't begin to change the way you think,--and in particular,the way you think of yourself--then you can't expect for other's to view you differently either.
If you're nodding along as you're reading this, then guess what: you're already halfway there! This is because awareness of your thoughts is the first step towards living a fear free life (well, almost fear free...you can never be fully devoid of fear, but that's a whole other post of a story).
I guess one of the best pieces of advice I can give you when it comes to shifting mental paradigms is this: it's not can
you change, but will
you change? Will
you, as Luckman said last night, power through your fears, and if so, when
It's kind of funny because, whenever I'm with the BF and I go to post a quote in a random place as part of The Quotation Inspiration Project
, the BF always gets a little bit nervous. In fact, I've gotten a few emails from readers who have the same concern: I feel like I'm doing something wrong when I go to post a quote...like I'm not supposed to be doing this
. Well, the truth is, these readers (the BF included) all have a point. Posting quotes in unexpected, public places isn't
something that most people do. Then again, that's the whole point: to inspire others in an unexpected, unconventional way. Truth be told, I myself was a little fearful and nervous the first time I went to post a quote as part of "the project
." But, when I started to receive emails and blog comments from people who actually saw
the posted quotes, and were
in fact inspired, I once again remembered why I, in the first place, had decided to start The Quotation Inspiration Project. If I'm not brave enough to post a piece of paper, then I can't expect others to be inspired and/or motivated by my work...by the quote(s) I wrote.
That said, when I went to post today's quote at Trader Joe's
yesterday afternoon, I, despite their being other shoppers and "crew" members around, was reminded of why I post quotes. I was reminded of why I shouldn't be afraid
to post this quote, in this place...
Oh, and you know what? There is no better feeling then when I have just posted a quote and, while walking away, get to see people reading, pointing, and/or talking about that little nugget of wisdom I just posted. NO better feeling.
So, as you embark on this terrific Tuesday (cheesy, I know), I hope you're able to fight through your fears, and live life out of your comfort zone and in your own truth.
Have a great day, everyone!!
First and foremost, for all my fellow Jews out there: Happy END of Passover!! Seriously though, my digestive system couldn't be happier. The same goes for my tastebuds. I was beyond overjoyed to have THIS for dinner last night...
But, enough about my pizza-loving ways. Let's move on to today's post!
While it's definitely no secret that come the late afternoon/evening I take on the role as your resident quote blogger, the fact of the matter is, by day, I actually work as a life coach
. I know, I know...right now you're thinking: What does a life coach do? Is that the same thing as a therapist?
Well, for the record, no, that does not mean I am a therapist. Yes, a lot of the work I do is
"therapeutic," but alas, I'm not a therapist. I am, however, someone who works with an array of clients, the likes of which find themselves feeling "stuck" in regards to uncovering
and actually being
their authentic selves. A sort of "personal training for the soul" (only, instead of working your glutes and triceps, you're turning the wheels of your mind in rhythm with the beat of your heart) life coaching is meant to function as the guiding aid for those willing and able to look inside themselves--the goal being to then be
one's actual self. However, before this can happen, a few other things (and by "a few," I mean "a lot") need to take place.
It is for this reason that one of the first things I do when I meet with a new client is give them a "color/personality" test--not because I want to classify or label them, but rather, because I want to better understand
the way they "function." How people process information and interact with others, well, these are all things a good coach must know if he/she is truly going to make an impact on the client at hand. Now, I know this all sounds very formalized, but the truth of the matter is, after reviewing a client's answers, I
am better able to "coach" them in a way that suits their
stylistic learning behavior(s). And, the more in-tune I am with the client's particular mannerisms, the more insync we, as a coach-client team, become.
So, why am I telling you this? Why should you care? Well, the answer is simple (or, maybe it's not): if you can understand
yourself--if you can really grasp
how you as an individual function--then gaining self-acceptance, self-appreciation, and self-support becomes a "not so difficult" task, so to speak. Further, if you can begin to internalize the fact that this process is just that, a process that takes time to evolve from start to finish--or in this case, from a state of self-loathing to one of self-understanding--then you will be able to grow into your "best self"...and who wouldn't want that?
"Just like the butterfly, I too will awaken in my own time."
So, in typical caterpillar fashion, take one step at a time--inch, by inch, by-inch. And, when the time is right, you will be able to spread your wings, fly, and soar to your highest potential!
Earlier today, I received the following comment from reader Melinda P. in response to yesterday's "Just Be YOU!
" blog post:
A very poignantly stated set of questions, Melinda's comment makes for the start of a very interesting, very important, discussion topic: is there really such a thing as being carefree in terms of not giving a--excuse my language--flying f**k about the inevitable judgements those around us are making on an incessant basis?
As easy as it would be for me to tell you "YES, you can learn how to not care what others think," the truth of the matter is, if I said that, I'd be telling a lie. Why, you ask? In all honesty, it's because I don't think there is a one-size-fits-all answer for this question...for this "predicament," if you will. That being said, just because it is imposible for one to go through life completely void of emotion (trust me, even the coldest of people experience an inkling of feeling every once in a while), that doesn't mean that, if you are an emotional person, you have to take everything so personally either. There is a happy middle ground--that I am sure of. So, how does one find their way to a life lived in "the middle ground?" As with all good things in life, it takes a lot of courage, confidence, and a hefty dose of desire. This is because living "free of care" is a hell of a lot different than living "carefree." Allow me to explain.
If someone lives "carefree," it means that he/she simply just does not care. That person doesn't care about their wellbeing, the wellbeing of others, or the consequences of their actions. Maybe it's just me, but I feel as though living carefree means to live a life free from responsibility. And while it's great that that sort of lifestyle is able to offer this type of stress-free living that so many of us desire, the fact of the matter remains: life is not one big party. It is not free of responsibility. I don't care if you're Oprah, a beach bum, or just an average Joe. Fact is, we all have a handful of responsibilities and obligations that we must meet and fulfill. I mean, no one truly enjoys tax season but, like it or not, paying taxes is something we all have to do. It's a life responsibility. It's an obligation we must fulfill so we can in fact live a life "free of care." And this is where my personal ideology takes over.
Living "free of care" does not mean being oblivious to life. It means living a life free of worry, free of hurt, and free of the self-hate that we as human beings all too often allow ourselves to endure. Living "free of care" means living a life that brings meaning and purpose to YOU, not to others.
So, if you want to laugh, LAUGH!
If you want to be silly, BE SILLY!!
And if you want to smile, SMILE!!!
...but not because you're supposed to. Because you want to!
Happy Friday, all! I hope you enjoy what is supposed to be a beautiful weekend "free of care."
I recently discovered The Shine Project
which was created by an awesome girl named Ashley who states: "The Shine Project's purpose is to inspire you to live the highest quality of life obtainable, and to motivate you to join our efforts in making the world a better place." Awesome, right?! Exactly. Anywho, I was reading her latest blog post
earlier this afternoon and couldn't help but feel inspired to make today's Quotation Inspiration Project
quote post parallel Ashley's "be yourself" declaration.
Remember this oldie but a goodie of a quote? I had yet to post it in a public place, but finally was able to take care of that today...
"There is nothing more genuine than breaking away from the chorus to learn the sound of your own voice!"-Po Bronson
Original post found here.
While Ashley describes bits and pieces of her childhood, telling stories of what it was like to be a semi-outcast growing up, I couldn't help but think: "oh, how I relate." Not only could I sympathize with her in terms of being made to feel bad for being a "goody two shoes," but rather her ability to recognize the beauty of being different, and being herself, over trying to contort to the popular kids' definition of "cool," really struck a chord with me.
You see, growing up, I always felt different. I always felt as though I was constantly acting, and playing a role of this girl that I just was not. I would try so hard to fit in with the popular girls because, let's face it, I wanted to be one of them. I wanted all the cute boys to swoon over and after me. I wanted to be invited to birthday parties not just because they had to invite me, but rather because they wanted me there. I wanted to not be tormented on a daily basis. It's actually pretty amazing how still, to this day, I can vividly remember my days in middle school as a walking, verbal punching bag. Seriously though. Over Thanksgiving break this past year, I was sifting through my old books and came across a stack of old yearbooks. Grabbing as many as I could carry, I marched on over to my bed, propped up a pillow, and started my journey to the past--one page flip at a time. At first I was all smiles, looking at all the pictures of little 11 and 12 year-olds learning, playing, and just being kids. But then, as I neared the last few pages of that first yearbook--you know, the part where all the other kids get to write how much they love you and are going to miss you over the summer--my smile quickly faded to a frown.
Your face and voice are sooooo annoying.
Me and [my friend] decided that if you let us touch your boobs, we won't pass notes about you in math class anymore.
I hope you're not in my class next year.
...and that's not even the half of it. My 8th grade yearbook is flecked with boobs and penises. Case in point:
**Side note, the photo above is courtesy of the madre...because clearly every mother wishes to get a phone call from her daughter saying: "mom, can you go into my room, pull out one of my middle school yearbooks, and take a picture of the titty f**king depictions that are in the back so I can use it on my blog? Thanks!" Yeah, can you say awkward much?! Moving on.**
Let's just say, reliving my middle school days was just as torturous and scarring for my grown-up, almost 23 year-old self as it was for my little girl,12 year-old self way back when. Heck, I'm pretty sure the reason that, to this day, I'm not a fan of my own birthday is because--once again, in 8th grade--all the kids at school forgot my birthday. Even worse was the fact that, the day before my birthday was actually my "friend's" birthday--a particular birthday with whom everyone remembered. While all of "our friends" made sure to bring her plenty of cakes and plates of cookies, no one remembered to do the same for me. Then again, no one remembered to even wish me a simple "happy birthday," but that's a whole other story.
Whereas Ashley states in her post that she realized in fourth grade that she "didn't ever want to fit in," I must admit, it took me a little longer. Okay, a lot longer. It wasn't until I was in 11th grade that I finally came to Ashley's realization--why try to conform when you can be different, when you can be you. Sick with a rare stomach condition called "GI Compromise," I knew, as a high school junior, that 11th grade was going to be my last year at my Maryland high school. Moving across the country to Arizona the day my finals ended, I also knew that I was never going to see most of these kids that I went to high school with ever again. And then it hit me: why should I care what these kids think of me if they're never going to see me again? So I stopped. I just stopped caring. I stopped trying to fit in, I stopped trying to to be well-liked, and most importantly, I stopped trying to be the cool kids' friends. You want to know what happened? I actually became happier! I was finally surrounding myself with friends that I actually liked (who were actually "friends," in the true sense of the word), and who I truly liked back; not because they were cool, but because they themselves were "just doin' them!"
That said, the truth of the matter is, I did end up seeing some of those Maryland high school kids again when I transferred to The University of Maryland a few years later. I reconnected with the good ones, felt no need to "fake being friends" with the rest, and continued on my path of just being me: a happy and good-hearted girl who is there for those she loves and who love her (i.e. me) back. So, as I wrap up tonight's post, allow me to leave you with one last hunk of advice: JUST BE YOU!